We have all been there whether we want to admit it or not, everyone of us has been and most assuredly will be again...ANGRY. There will always be something or someone to push just the right button and send us into that state of mental lapse where we are over the edge. For me, most of the time, it is about something I have no control over.
We all have opinions, in fact there is a well known statement attesting to that fact; and we all have the right and the privilege to voice them. When it really matters, we also have the responsibility to stand up in the face of our own convictions. If we truly believe what we stand for, what is important to us as individuals, then let it be said, no matter who agrees or doesn't. Right? One would think so.
I recently felt the urge, the need to express my opinion on something that I considered a minor thing. It wasn't about being right or wrong, it was just a discussion over the use of a simple word. The context of this conversation is irrelevant, however, the outcome pushed the wrong button in me. The situation went from being a simple difference of opinion to a major thing involving other's who had, of course, their own opinions. As an outsider, one may say this is silly really. Why would this make you so angry? Great question and it made me angrier than I have been in a while.
I have learned a lot in these 65 years and I am pretty good at reading people; much better now at reading myself. It all comes down to intentions and reactions. My intention in stating my choice of wording on a subject caused someone to react defensively and take my statement as a vote of "no confidence" in them, of negating their say and ideas. Their response came across to me as egotistical and abusive of my feelings. I felt I was now being instructed as to how I should behave and speak as in days gone by. It was made clear that the opinion of this person was all that counted and should not be questioned. They had a right to their say and the rest of us be damned. Overly sensitive on both parts? I'm not ready to go there. Of course I am right in my anger. Someone negated my importance by making themselves more so.
As mentioned, being 65 has taught me much and it isn't about age. It is simply how I feel about who I am and why someone negating my feelings is being allowed to matter. There is a saying: is it better to be right or to be close? That's a tough one in the moment.
The ego is a sensitive thing and mine has caused me problems in the past and will most likely cause me more in the future. Anger is a fact of life and for some of us with a history of not being important, of not being heard or taken seriously, it can bruise that ego until "seeing red" is all there is left.
So in this situation, I have made the choice to be angry. Will I get over it? Most assuredly. I accept responsibility for allowing another to take away my power and I still like my word more. Call it what you will: stubborn, pig-headed and so on. Or simply, in this space, it is more important to be right about how this situation made me feel, work on that and worry about being close another time.
Peace to you all.
